scar stories

One day in middle school, we were waiting for something and so we had a few minutes with nothing to do.  The teacher asked if anyone had a scar story that they wanted to share.  Students proceeded to share the stories of how they got the scars that they have.

I have two scar stories:
On my left hand, I have a scar on my thumb and a scar on my pointer finger.  Freshman year of college, we were learning how to carve wood.  I was doing so well, and then the knife slipped... That was the end of that hobby.  :)

On the top of my right foot, I have a scar from a rug burn.  It was a pretty intense rug burn that I got last year at camp.  We were on our way to Nature.  Obviously, we needed to pretend to be on a safari on our way from the classroom to Nature.  I was leading the way and all the sudden, we saw a LION and had to hide behind something so that he didn't eat us.  As I dove under the table, I got a rug burn, but that's better than getting eaten by a lion, right?  So worth it.

The other day, and again this morning, I heard this song on the radio:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhVDhUlUX88&feature=related
She holds for dear life to the ends of the sleeves in her hands,
Covering up lies that she wrote with a razor sharp pen,
And the sting of the blade is no match for the pain of the loneliness she's going through,
But we've all been there too.

Praise God we don't have to hide scars
They just strengthen our wounds, and they soften our hearts.
They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are
So praise God, praise God we don't have to hide scars

You can still see the mark on his hand where there once was a ring
He watched decades of history dissolve when she wanted to leave
And the hole that it left there inside of his chest
Is a canyon a thousand miles deep
We all know how that feels.

Praise God we don't have to hide scars
They just strengthen our wounds, and soften our hearts.
They remind us of where we have been, but not who we are
So praise God, praise God we don't have to hide scars

There once was a King who so burdened with grief
Walked into death so that we could find peace
He rose up with scars on his hands and his feet
By them we are healed, by them we are healed.

So praise God we don't have to hide scars
Yeah we know his are covering ours
Praise God we don't have to hide scars
They just strengthen our wounds and they soften our hearts
They remind us of who we have been, but not who we are
So Praise God we don't have to hide scars. 


And as I listened to the words, I was reminded of that day in middle school when we shared scar stories.  And it reminded me of the importance of stories and the importance of sharing our stories with each other.  This summer, I'm realizing this again--as I have been for the past couple of years--as I meet so many new people.  I'm meeting people with incredible stories.  And they share them with me!  I love listening to them and learning from them.  
Scars aren't always physical, although some are.  Scars are also emotional or spiritual or mental.  And those are the scars that are so much easier to hide.  
Scars aren't always sad or hurtful.  I mean, I was having a great time when I got those scars and I would do it all over again.  And now, whenever I see these scars, I have these great memories.  


I think that I resonate so deeply with this song because people have shared their "scar stories" with me--both physical scars and emotional scars.  And when they share, I learn from them about life and about God and about faith and hope and grace.  So, my friends, thank you for your courage in sharing your scar stories.  Thank you for sharing your life, in its joy and its pain.  And I'll sing with the song: Praise God we don't have to hide scars.

what am i going to do with my life?

be an agent of renewal.  that's what.



[thanks for the reminder, Pastor Mary]

silence is the frost heave of the soul.

That's what Pastor Dan shared with me today.  He is the pastor of Montello Park CRC, where La Casa meets.  He took me out for lunch today so that we could get to know the person working in the office on the other side of the wall.  He also went to Calvin and spent a summer in Honduras and was also an FYFer its first year.  One thing we talked about is what Calvin does NOT teach students about vocation: we may be allowed to make a choice and BOTH options would be equally fulfilling and either one could/would be our vocation.  We talked about my love for planning and order.  But it was this statement that caught my heart.

At times in my life, I have been very good at being silent.  And I would almost always rather listen than speak when I'm with a friend or a group or in class.  But there are also times in my life when I keep myself very busy--too busy, even--and that does not allow times for silence.  At those times, that is okay with me!  I was convicted today, though, as I have been before, that those are the times that I should probably take time for silence.  It's in the silence that the boulders in my soul are lifted to the surface--joys, sorrows, memories, you name it.  Just like in a field where the frost brings the rocks to the surface, making the soil better to plant, the silence brings the rocks of my soul to the surface, making my heart a more fertile ground to be planted.

And so, I sit at the counter, coffee in hand, heart laid bare.  I sit and I am.  I'm not doing.  I'm just being.  Just for an hour or two.  And I haven't quite worked up the courage to be in the silence yet... I'm sitting in a coffee shop with chatter and jazzy piano music in the background.  But it's a step, you know?  It's intimidating now, but as Pastor Dan and I also talked about, spiritual disciplines also tend to have a liberating effect on a person--usually liberating us from ourselves.  It will come.

frost heave
noun Geology .

an uplift in soil caused by the freezing of internal moisture.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frost_heave

What's the point?

Lately--like for the past few months--I have been wondering what the point of counseling is.  Why do I go?  How does it help?  Is it actually helpful?

I have also been wondering what on earth I'm going to do with my life.  I had been so sure about teaching--then I switched.  I had been so sure about being a pastor--now I'm not so sure; still thinking about it, but not as confident as before.  Maybe I should be a psychologist.  Maybe I should be a social worker.  What if it's none of these things?

Anyway, I just finished reading Proverbs 19-21 and Romans 13.  These chapters are filled with recommendations to live life well.  The Proverbs chapters talk a lot about "a man planning his steps, but the Lord determining his path."  I have no idea what to do with my life.  I don't know how to plan my steps without knowing my path.  I really don't know what to do.  And I like to have a plan.  At least tell me what I should be looking into for after college, ya know?  Maybe that's where Proverbs 20:5 comes in--"The purpose in a woman's heart is like deep water, but a woman of understanding will draw it out."  Maybe this is why I go to counseling and why I have this need for good, deep conversations, the need to be known.  And maybe as I draw out the deep waters of my heart and begin to understand my passions and my past and God's gifts and plans in and for my life, I'll begin to see God's path for me.  I have a feeling that this will take awhile, and I don't really like that feeling, but I guess that's why we have faith.... as hard as that may be for me to grasp.