Advent and Christmas.

Christmas only makes sense in the context of Advent.

That's what I've been thinking about for the last month.  I think it's true.  Christmas only makes sense within Advent.

I love the season of Advent.  It is one of my favorite seasons of the church calendar.  Advent is all about longing and waiting and hoping amid pain and struggle and unknowns and insecurity and uncomfortable situations.  I look at Mary and I am amazed by her faith.  I look at Simeon and Anna and I am amazed by their perseverance and persistence and patience.  I look at Joseph and I am amazed by his loyalty.  These are incredible stories.  And I think it's because of stories like these that I am drawn to the season...  I think it is through these stories that I can understand the celebration of Christmas.

I've never really been a big fan of Christmas..... I mean, parties are great, songs are fun, it's good to see family, but it just didn't feel right.  Over the last few years, I think I figured it out: growing up, Christmas was always a big celebration--which is appropriate--but it seemed to be a sort of escape or vacation from "real life."  Maybe that's not the best way to describe it, but I think it's close.  The thing is, Christmas is a celebration--Christ was born, Jesus is Emmanuel--but Jesus was born into a very real world with very real struggles.  Christmas is a celebration, but it is not the final celebration; it's a celebration, but I think it's also, maybe more so, a promise.  Maybe that's why I like Advent so much...  We're living in a bigger Advent; we're waiting for Jesus to come again.  We're waiting and longing and hoping now, but we are also celebrating Christmas.  We celebrate Christmas, but our pain and sorrow and struggles and hurts are still there, we're still longing.  It's a paradox.

There has been one song on repeat on my iPod this month.  I have listened to it hundreds of times because it's an Advent song.  And now that we're in the 12 days of Christmas, I hear "Joy to the World" in church, in the car, in stores, at home.  The other day I realized that I can sing "Joy to the World" because I can sing "Joy," the Advent song.  Look at these lyrics, listen to the songs.  The paradox of the first song, with its minor key and hopeful, yet painfully honest, lyrics allows me to sing the second song as a prayer for God to keep his promises.  He brought joy to the world in a baby, but I will pray these promises back to him as I wait for their completion.

"Joy"
http://radicaloneofmany.wordpress.com/2012/06/04/an-intriguing-song-joy-page-cxvi/ (with the artist's story behind the song)

I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart
down in my heart.

I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart
down in my heart.

And I'm so happy,
so happy,
so very happy.

And I'm so happy,
so happy,
so very happy.


I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart
down in my heart.

I've got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart
down in my heart.


And I'm so happy,
so happy,
so very happy.

And I'm so happy,
so happy,
so very happy.

I can't understand
and I can't pretend
that this will be alright in the end.
So I'll try my best
and lift up my chest
to sing about this
joy joy joy.

When peace like a river
attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll,
Whatever my lot,
Thou hast taught me to say,
"It is well, it is well with my soul."

"Joy to the World"

Joy to the world, the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.

Joy to the earth, the Savior reigns!
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat the sounding joy.

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as the curse is found.

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders of His love.

theological reflections on being directed.

Someone told me: There are two kinds of people in the world--actors and directors.  To which I retorted, more than either of those, I like to be directed.
I have been directed in a number of ways, but, right now, I'm mostly referring to being directed in an orchestra.

-A director pulls something out of you that even you don't believe is there.  She calls something that is not, into being.
-She sees the whole picture.  No one else can see or hear the whole orchestra, only her.  This is why everyone must follow her lead.
-A director is one person among 50ish.  She cannot force everyone to pay attention and do as she says.  Those being directed need to pay attention.  There is a lot going on and a lot one could do on their own, but amid all of that, you have to watch and listen for/to the director.  You have to learn a special sort of focus that allows you to both read the music and watch the director, to listen to yourself and to the people around you and to the people across the room.  This is a focus that allows you to witness more than what is focused on, but still be focused on one area.  This is a focus that allows you to know the director well enough that even when you glance at your music, you can still follow someone you're not watching that moment.
-Having orchestra first thing every morning for four years in a row is a practice that shapes people.  Every day for four years, I needed to practice the disciplines of listening, submission, obedience, community, etc. That sets the tone for the day; it does something to a person.  I didn't realize it until it wasn't built in to my schedule anymore.

too wonderful.

i don't think the world is going to end tomorrow or at midnight or whatever.  but as i lay in bed, i wonder, "what if?"  i'm not scared of hell.  i don't think i'm even scared of dying.  i'm not scared of being with God forever.  i'm not scared of the new heaven and the new earth.  i am scared of the FOREVER part, though.  and what about people who aren't saved?  in theory, i understand that God is merciful in saving the elect, because everyone deserves to die, but it doesn't seem to fit with God's character.  i just don't understand.

and maybe that's the point.... one of my high school Bible teachers would say: it's too wonderful for me to know.

on compassion.

“Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to the place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it… And so we ignore our greatest gift, which is our ability to enter into solidarity with those who suffer. Those who can sit in silence with their fellow man, not knowing what to say but knowing that they should be there, can bring new life in a dying heart. Those who are not afraid to hold a hand in gratitude, to shed tears in grief and to let a sigh of distress arise straight from the heart can break through paralyzing boundaries and witness the birth of a new fellowship, the fellowship of the broken.”

henri nouwen

My friend posted this on facebook today and I couldn't help holding my breath as I read it because the words seemed to come straight from my soul because this is what I do, and it seemed to speak right to my soul because I have so many people who do this for me.