Lately--like for the past few months--I have been wondering what the point of counseling is. Why do I go? How does it help? Is it actually helpful?
I have also been wondering what on earth I'm going to do with my life. I had been so sure about teaching--then I switched. I had been so sure about being a pastor--now I'm not so sure; still thinking about it, but not as confident as before. Maybe I should be a psychologist. Maybe I should be a social worker. What if it's none of these things?
Anyway, I just finished reading Proverbs 19-21 and Romans 13. These chapters are filled with recommendations to live life well. The Proverbs chapters talk a lot about "a man planning his steps, but the Lord determining his path." I have no idea what to do with my life. I don't know how to plan my steps without knowing my path. I really don't know what to do. And I like to have a plan. At least tell me what I should be looking into for after college, ya know? Maybe that's where Proverbs 20:5 comes in--"The purpose in a woman's heart is like deep water, but a woman of understanding will draw it out." Maybe this is why I go to counseling and why I have this need for good, deep conversations, the need to be known. And maybe as I draw out the deep waters of my heart and begin to understand my passions and my past and God's gifts and plans in and for my life, I'll begin to see God's path for me. I have a feeling that this will take awhile, and I don't really like that feeling, but I guess that's why we have faith.... as hard as that may be for me to grasp.
Ahh Jessica. You are definitely related!!! I have those thoughts all the time. I have the gift of empathy so I can relate to how people feel but what do I do with that???? Just know you are not alone. You are loved. God is sovereign. I say you can do anything and God will be pleased if you do it for him--teaching would be my 1st choice for you (ah ha ha!) and then Mommyhood (with a quick husband in between!) I second you with the deep thoughts thing. Surface stuff is so annoying. Really? Is that all there is? Love ya kid. Praying for you.
ReplyDeleteAunt Amy
I love how you search the bible for answers. I am curious if there is any cultural references here that we have not discovered. My first note is that the woman understands that it is deep water. Is she noting that it is dangerously deep or satisfyingly deep and plentiful? It appears that the word "but" means it is not equal to the understand woman, else it could mean that the woman of understand sees that it is deep and knows what to do with it. She draws it out. My next question is why is she drawing it out? She must have more of a reason than just understanding it. My thought is that she has a plan for the water. Plans are things that you need to make before understanding when, where, and how much water to draw.
ReplyDeleteDecisions need to be made and you have done a wonderful job at making them. Just understand that sometimes decisions do not completely leed to the destination in a straight line. You may need to go to Hondurous for a certain growth or skill or changing majors for another, and turn each time in another direction. God gives us lessons along the way, things to do and learn. For example, I still think that God put us on that South Dakota mountain and timed that accident to happen the way it did. He needed to add that experience to our skill set. I think that the motorcyclist needed a reason to question the existence of God. I was the person God used to make that happen. Was this desired by any of us or planned by anyone? No is the clear answer. God is ultimately in charge of making the plan. We analyze our gifts and skills and dreams. We take that analysis and make our plans with the understanding that God may change them. In the meantime, we have to plan. We need to develop our skills. We need to dream. This is true for personal choices like who we would marry, if and when to have kids, how to raise those kids, the church to attend, and the state or country to live in.
Choosing a major is the same thing. God is not so clear always. You are skilled in many areas: Spanish, understanding, discerning, bold, grounded, caring, loving, compassionate... God will use you wherever you go. Do not be afraid to make decisions that need to change. Finances, health, availability and more of yourself and those around you direct your plans at times. Other times you need to make the decisions, with prayer, analysis and dreams. Draw the water with understanding and knowing the water is deep, so you can change those plans.
Dad